PJ updates

Two noteworthy ones.


This is an Original:



Q> While landing in which country, are your flights ALWAYS bound to be late?

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A> Qatar .... (Aaap Qatar mein hain, kripiya pratiksha keejiye) :D :D :D



This is heard elsewhere and properly reframed:


Q> Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad?
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A> Mrs. Sita Ramachandra ;-)

Deadly no? Me thinks so too... :D :D :D

Mostly harmless, Huh?

In the beginning the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Ka-Ching!!!

Clean shaven. Red and Black are the colours. Sharp. Capped. Has 3 Shiny golden paper stars pinned on his chest. There is a place for a fourth.

Rugged. Facial hair bordering between a stuble and full-blown beard. A kurta which was once white and had buttons. One sleeve rolled up showing a black thread holding a tiny brass cylinder wrapped around the arm.

Good evening sir, How may I help you?

Boliye saahab... kya lenge?

Hmmm ... *squints at the bright candy-coloured menus* ... One McVeggie burger please..

Hmmm ... *grimaces for effect* ... Hmmmm.... Bhindi kaise diya?

Would like extra cheese and lettuce with it? Medium fries or large?

Leejiye saab... Bahut badhiya hai... *snaps the end* ... ekdum taaza hai... leejiye?

I'll take the extra cheese and lettuce, no fries please.

Haan haan... Theek hai... Kaisa diya??

That will be Rs.62 please.

12 rupaiah ka aadha kilo hai saab... bilkul badhiya hai... kitna doon?

Hmmm... *ogles at more of the graphics* Can I have a strawberry milkshake with that, please?

Kis baat ka 12 rupaiah bol rahe ho yaar? Purana maal hai bilul... Chalo... Aadha kilo daal do. Ek kheera, Do nimbu aur thoda dania-kadipatha bhi de dena.

Sure sir, That will be Rs.108. Will that be all sir?

Haan saab, mein nikalta hoon saab... Ekdum badhiya.

Yes, Thank you.

Arre re ruko... Mein khud nikal leta hoon.

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Sir, your order. One McVeggie burger. Extra Cheese and lettuce. One straberry milkshake.

Leejiye saab. 19 rupaiah hua.

Thanks. I don't have change. Can u break a 500 please?

19 rupaiah?? Kiska ??? 16 rupaiah mein kar do sab. Masala ka thodi koi paisa leta hai?

Sure sir. Do you have 3 rupees?

Arre saab... 12 ka bhindi. 3 ka kheera. 3 rupaiah Nimbu aur Ek rupaiah Masala ka.

Sure. Here.

Arre kuch nahi... 16 rupaiah mein kar do sab. Yeh lo 10... aur yeh 5 aur Yeh 1. Ho gaya 16.

Here's your change. 392 Rupees. Thank you for coming to McDonald's. Have a nice meal.

Deejiye... Leejiye sabzi.

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I realised I was being the confused bourgeois through and through. Aren't our perspectives misplaced? Highly skewed? We silently endure the facade. But we not only ignore, we exploit the reality.

"All men are born equal"... Yeah right! Try telling that without any guilt deep within.

Give me justice...

I really am offended today. I feel that there is no justice in this world anymore. It is a sad sad day in the history of the world of blogs, my dear friends... A sad sad day.

The reason is THIS.

Go visit it first.

Have you seen the photos of the flowers? Those blue bonnety flowers? What about the loooongg list of ingredients for all those recipes? and the Photos that taunt you if you are a poor hungry soul gawking at them at the middle of the night. I am sure these must not be revolting to you. On the contrary, any of the fairer sex out there might have quite enjoyed the flowers. And the desis abound would be copy-pasting those recipes (if they have the taste). Which is why I repeat again... Give me justice!!!

For, ladies and gentlemen, that very blog belongs to my loving , caring, doting elder sister. "Oh really? How nice yaar!" "Abe, Didi ka blog hai... sahi hai be..." ... Arrgghhh...

I spend over a year carefully manipulating and scheming on my blog. A selective assortment of posts interspersed with humour, memories and of course some sensitive moments (According to m, this should be more often). I scheme and plot, design and deploy, ponder and write... I even design (proudly so!) my own blog template with Fantabulous Calvin and the Incorrigble Hobbes as the theme characters (A duo that everyone loves to love). By doing all this jugglery and trickery, I manage to garner a select group of readers (thank you guys! **sniff sniff**) and somehow make my blog counter touch the higher side of 2000.

And here, this sister of mine... starts her blog this late summer. Writes about recipes and only recipes (there is one about some blue-coloured hat-shaped flowers too). Has listed god-knows-how-many similar recipe-crazy blogger friends of hers! (if any of you are reading this, I am just bashing her blog... Welcome to mine. :D, Do read. Comment. Repeat.)

And by doing all this, not only does she have a group of foodloggers... ahaa, nice word--> see, In how many foodlogs would you find an instantaneous contribution to her majesty's language? ... Like I was saying, not only does she have a group of foodloggers who visit regularly and start chirping "Oh... What a nice recipe!!! I'll surely try this out" ... "I had the same recipe book, but its collecting dust. I'll dig out that recipe and add some of that dust and kitchen grime as flavouring" ... "I had tried a similar sambhar when I was desperately short of anything better to make. But I had reduced 0.0000000001 grammes of tamarind and added 0.0000002 grammes of fenugreek as seasoning. I will surely try ur suggestion of toning down on the tamarind a little more!"

And you know what? They actually go and do it! Now who in god's name would actually sit and go through those gazillion foodlogs (don't believe the gazillion, go see the list on the side of my sis's blog) and make those dishes with those recommended changes take pictures and acknowledge the original author. As in, I really wonder what must go on in their minds....

Here I am ..... slicing & dicing ... dicing & slicing the spring onions when..... OOPS! A whole bunch of salted turnips meant for the sabzi finds its way into the perfectly simmering sambhar..... eeks! what will I do?? My foodlogger friends will think I am useless! They'll say I drop turnips into sambhars!... I'll be 'nipslip' for the rest of my foodlogging days!!! waaahhh!!... Wait a sec, So what if its stinks of salted turnips, my tamarind and fenugreek levels are that recommended by H. I'll filter out the turnip pieces, take a few snaps and post it. No one can 'see' an extra can of salt in it. And, now that I have tried her recipe, H will be bound till eternity to visit my blog and comment on it!! Buhahahahahahha....

Common ladies! Are there really so many of you out there who complain of not having time to cook as you work late but nevertheless you have time to go through all these blogs before cooking to find out which recipe is fast to cook and maintains your cholesterol levels? Do you really need a flower listing blog to cheer you up in those morose grey settings outside our country? Is this really happening? And why do you HAVE to use such difficult ingredient names like fenugreek and arse0fartida ... or was it asafoetida??? Hmmm... I wonder what such complex names could cook up in the hands of a novice cook....

She makes this blogging mafia of hers, doesn't even work on the template (its literally a cherry) and she gets almost 6000 visitors already??????????? She has a fan club et al?????? No! This is not fair!!!

And worse, I get to see only the snaps. :(

Give me justice......

Ammmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!


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Author's disclaimer:

Before any malicious comment is thrown out onto the public domain about how cooking is an art and one needs to actually practice it before writing about/criticising it, the author would like to state that recently due to dire need and sheer gastronomical desperation, he has learnt to cook and isn't as bad as the bangla boys . He makes it clear that the astronomical exaggerations and desperate attempt at humour is simply a nauseating effort to get back to blogging and trap some foodloggers too. This post is an outcome of sitting in the office at 2 AM and looking at photos on a sibling's blog. And ESPECIALLY this post.

Peace.

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Mulligatawny

Run little rabbit, Hurry!, Run!
No, there is no safe sheltered hole,
Stark to the sun and rain,
Run little rabbit..... Run!

Escape; the thunder, the lightning, the wind
Not; glowing eyes in the darkness; there
Save; the fur, the pink; yourself
You; have to strive and hide; fool!

Run you mangy carnal wolf
Don't hunt the furry flesh too long,
The sun , the rain on you are too
Run you mangy wolf..... RUN!

Escape; the thorns, the jagged stones,
Not; torches and shouts abound; there!
Save; your gut, your clan; yourself.
You; have to turn and run; fool!

From whom will you run you nameless fear,
Who spawned hunters and kings and seers?
You are cursed to live, to feel and act.
You; run from you, your soul; fool!

A few hours of solitude...

Its apparently been over 2 months since I penned anything down here... Not that nothing happened in these past months. On the contrary, its been one heck of a weird time. Around 7th August, I was under house arrest due to the Surat floods. Over a week without power, running water, new provisions, milk and absolutely no way of communicating beyond the range of your own voice (our relatives all over were super worried, apparently). Thankfully (for both of us), my parents had landed here just a day earlier and I had bought provisions for them. We peacefully 'survived' the flood.

One of the things I did in those 7 days is what would take any sane person over a month to do; I read "Of human bondage" by Somerset Maugham. Its a marvellous book, drawing from the author's life experiences and containing vignettes of astute observations. The drawback is that its a VERY slow book. Its in stark contrast to any rivetting novel that you would've held on to through the night (Not as rubbery as Ayn Rand though). The flood situation with its extremely limited set of distractions gave me a good chance to finish the book in one go.

One other amazing thing was learning to cook! Amma is an excellent teacher. The testament to this is the praise accorded to my sabji preparation by my co-workers today. And the best part is that I discovered that I actually enjoy cooking! yay!

Which brings me back to the topic of this post. My parents moved into where I live, early last month. It consisted of 2 rooms with walls, the decent kitchen and of course, the loo. But when they left it yesterday, I could in a very slight way call it home. Home with a grouchy landlord (they live in the floor below), a leakin roof, absolutely no furniture... But home nevertheless. Suddenly am shrouded in solitude until I set out on almost a week long work (and fun in between) trip. And solitude in qutie scary at first. The worst is the silence. Not necessarily because you would be yapping otherwise, but just the presence was enough. The silence here suddenly turns eerie. Thank goodness for my computer which is working perfectly , showering me with the flourescent aura of Chandler's snide remarks and Jerry's repeated victories over Tom.

What I am trying to say is.... Heck... I am not trying to say anything. Its just that the home's empty, but I am going to enjoy every ounce of solitude that I can. The chirpy phone will keep me connected regularly, but I have the gift that many others crave for and even crib about at all times. Here's to living a grandpa's life at 22! :)

...Gyaan...

Bastard!

Creator

of

IRRITATING

Nasal

...Music....

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Schhhuuummmm....

A deep breath...

The eyes blink...

Eyelids close, A moment of silence... Thoughts regarding the past few hours stream back to him...

Its the last pitstop before it ends... He's done this 49 times already... Just one more...

The path is seared into his memory... each contour... each straight...

He can do this.

The eyes open.

It is met with a rush of sound and fast movement... The engine is rumbling just under him... He can see some of the others... He knows which ones will cause trouble... That guy in the white car has a very reluctant engine... and the other one in the yellow stripes barely has the guts... Doesn't matter. Today is his day. Nothing is going to stop his glorious rush to the chequered flag. Today.... he will outdo his own past....

Its time to go! He barely lets the brown elixir into the starved engine and it shoots off!!! He cajoles his baby into the mainstream... Its time to RACE!!!

A slalom is coming up!!! A left and then manouvering in for a cut on the right!!!.... (that was close)... Audience starts noticing him... he can't hear it... but he's sure that individuals are heaving and sighing as they watch his show...

Its near!! The end is near...

He gives it his all... YES! He's bettered his own previous record! A surge of joy and pride within him goes unnoticed by all those not populating his mind... A satisfaction creases across his otherwise mundane life...

A screeeeeeeeeeeching stop.

Me: "Kitna hua?"

Him: "15 rupaya"

Me: "Arre roj tho 10 rupaya deta hoon... Yeh lo!"

He takes it... bends down, restarts his baby... looks at the fool who didn't think the ride of the day worth five extra bucks... ha! Fools ... all of them!! The evening rush is over anyway... made 50 trips today... a good day... time for some chai...

And so the great Indian challenger trudges on... phatt phatt phatt phatt...

P.S. A humble tribute to Surat's auto-rickshaw walaas... For the daily thrill ride to the office and back... :D

Roy number Zero ... :)

All that is gold does not glitter,
not all those who wander are lost;
the old that is strong does not wither,
deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
a light from the shadows shall spring;
renenwed shall be 'the nib' that was broken,
the crownless again shall be king!

This is for Indrava Roy, lovingly known to all as I.Roy .


For being the closest thing to a mathematics freak, I know of.

For being maybe one of the few souls who is going to pursue his true love (literally AND figuritively) and his passion after graduation.

For being the craziest son-of-bitch and sticking to his guns during the darkest hours.

May future maths students curse him the way we curse other great theoriticians (Saala leibnitz... C*****) :))


Love ya be!!! :)

Jo Gumshuda.... Sa Khwab tha! :D


P.S. Amazing how one great news can change one's mood drastically!